The following are just a few of the many websites which have practical information for teachers who have students with ADHD.  AIM Care at Tumaini Counseling Centre does not endorse all the content found in these sites. If you come across additional websites or pages that you find especially useful, please pass that information on to us at tumaini.ac@aimint.net.

ADD in School website is aimed at supporting classroom teachers and has lots of ideas for classrooms set-up, lesson presentation, materials, organization, time management, and behavior management for both elementary and secondary classrooms. Definitely check out this site! Hundreds of classroom interventions, tips, tricks for:

• Elementary School         http://www.addinschool.com/elementary.htm
• Middle & High School    http://www.addinschool.com/highschool.htm

This is another great website with loads of articles for adult ADHD, parenting ADHD children, ADHD treatment, and school & learning disabilities: www.ADDitudeMag.com is the website for ADDitude Magazine.

ADHD Teacher Resources for School page gives links to their many helpful articles for teachers that are available on their site.            http://www.additudemag.com/topic/adhd-learning-disabilities/adhd-teachers.html

Alternative ADHD Treatment Options page gives a listing of links to articles on behavior therapy, diet, fish oil, nutritional supplements, working memory training, green time, neurofeedback, and exercise.               http://www.additudemag.com/alternative-adhd-treatment.html

British Columbia Ministry of Education web site has a free PDF guide for teachers, “Teaching Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: Instructional Strategies and Practices”  http://www.bced.gov.bc.ca/specialed/adhd/

Help Guide is a non-profit resource whose mission is “… to help people understand, prevent, and resolve life’s challenges.”  They have a number of brief articles for teachers and parents on ADHD.  The following is a link to one of their articles, “ADD/ADHD in the Classroom: Tips for Teachers and Parents”                 http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_teaching_strategies.htm

LD Online is a website on learning disabilities and ADHD.  The following are links to several of their many articles:

• Accommodations & Modification            http://www.ldonline.org/article/13701
• Behavior & Social Skills                             http://www.ldonline.org/indepth/behavior
• Classroom Management                            http://www.ldonline.org/indepth/behavior
• “Strategies for Teaching Youth with ADD and ADHD” http://www.ldonline.org/article/13701
• Study Skills articles                                     http://www.ldonline.org/indepth/study
• Teaching Issues                                            http://www.ldonline.org/educators

Mayo Clinic is a non-profit and internationally renowned medical practice that diagnoses and treats nearly all medical illnesses. Their web site provides a balanced and evidenced based approach to education concerning diseases, medications, alternative medicine, and prevention.  The following 18 page article provides a good overview of ADHD and could be given to families when they are informed of concerns that their child might have ADHD.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/print/adhd/DS00275/DSECTION=all&METHOD=print

National Resource Center on ADHD is a “clearinghouse for science-based information about all aspects of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder.” It is funded by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

• Listing of books for teachers that give strategies for working with ADHD children     http://www.help4adhd.org/en/education/teachers/resources
• Diagnosis & Treatment articles  http://www.help4adhd.org/en/treatment
• A helpful article for parents who are reluctant to consider use of medication for their child diagnosed with ADHD is “Managing Medications for Children and Adolescents with AD/HD” (What We Know series #3)        http://www.help4adhd.org/documents/WWK3.pdf
• A helpful article for individuals who are interested  to sort out fact from fiction, “Myths and Misconceptions About AD/HD: Science over Cynicism,” http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/myths

Teacher Vision website provides a wide assortment of “lesson plans, printables, and more”.  Although there is a $39.95 yearly subscription they have a 7 day free trial for one to check out if the site.  Included in the site are a number of specific recommendations for ADHD students.                http://www.teachervision.fen.com/

U.S. Department of Education has several resources for teaching ADHD students.  Some of these are:

• “Teaching Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: Instructional Strategies and Practices” – this is a downloadable, 40 page pdf file that gives recommendations concerning academic instruction, behavioral interventions, and classroom accommodations. http://www.ed.gov/rschstat/research/pubs/adhd/adhd-teaching.html
• “Identifying and Treating Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: A Resources for School and Home” is a 28 page pdf file that describes the educational evaluation and helpful tips for both teachers and parents. http://www.ed.gov/rschstat/research/pubs/adhd/adhd-identifying.html

AIM Care at Tumaini Counselling Centre
Nairobi, Kenya

Background readings:

1. Critical Incident Stress Debriefings for Cross-Cultural Workers: Harmful or Helpful?  (2003) by Karen Carr, Mobile Member Care Team (MMCT), Accra, Ghana  http://www.mmct.org/critical_incident_stress.php

2. The Post-Trauma guidelines of the National Institute for Clinical Excellent (NICE) of the National Health Service of the UK (2005.)  http://www.nice.org.uk/nicemedia/pdf/CG026NICEguideline.pdf

3. Trauma and Critical Incident Care for Humanitarian Workers;  a continuing education module of the Headington Institute (2004)
http://www.headington-institute.org/Default.aspx?tabid=2079

From a review of these sources along with other literature, three important principles stand out:

1. Debriefings should be voluntary, not-required.
• To quote from Karen Carr, “if a person feels forced to talk about something that they are not ready to talk about, this can be harmful and detrimental to them.  And given that the evidence has not proven that CISD is a beneficial thing, it does make sense that this intervention should be a person’s choice rather than a medicine that is given to them because it’s good for them whether they like it or not.”

2. Debriefings should be need-specific, and not a routine part of post-trauma care.
• To quote from the NICE guidelines, “For individuals who have experienced a traumatic event, the systematic provision to that individual alone of brief, single-session interventions (often referred to as debriefing) that focus on the traumatic incident, should not be routine when delivering services.”  (emphasis theirs)

3. Educating leaders and members about the effects of trauma and when to contact a mental health professional is a crucial piece of pre-and post-trauma care.
• To quote from the Headington Institute, “All humanitarian workers should understand the dynamics of trauma and know how to help manage or alleviate trauma reactions.  This knowledge decreases their risk of experiencing enduring trauma reactions and increases their resilience – their ability to ‘bounce back’ – more effectively after traumatic events.” (emphasis theirs)

Based on this data, we would recommend a policy of post-trauma care be developed by mission organizations that include the following components:

1. An emphasis on building resilience throughout the membership.
2. An emphasis on pre-and post-trauma care training for mission leadership.  This training to include Resilience Building, First Responses, Watching Waiting, and guidance of when to refer for more help.
3. The facilitation of voluntary debriefings/post-trauma care by mental health professionals (such as AIM Care) when either the individual requests such care or his/her leader recommends such care.

Referenced above is a sample of Headington Institutes on-line self-study program for Trauma and Critical Incident Care as an example of a quality training program for mission leaders.  This free, on-line resource is in addition to the good training that Mobile Member Care Team offers (see www.mmct.org )

Books:

Learning Outside the Lines: Two Ivy League Students with Learning Disabilities and ADHD Give You the Tools by Jonathan Moone and David Cole

Survival Guide for College Students with ADHD or LD by  Kathleen Nadeau

ADD and the College Student: A Guide for High School and College Students with ADD by Patricia Quinn

Help4ADD@Highschool by Kathleen Nadeau

You mean I’m not lazy, stupid or crazy? A self-help book for adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly, Peggy Ramundo and Larry Silver  (Provides practical advice on controlling adult ADD. A straightforward guide explains how to get along in groups, become organized, improve memory, and pursue professional help)

ADHD & Me: What I Learned from Lighting Fires at the Dinner Table  by Blake E. S. Taylor

A Teenager’s Guide to ADD; Understanding & Treating ADD through the Teen Years

Coaching College Students with AD/HD: Issues and Answers by Patricia O. Quinn

10 Simple Solutions to Adult ADD: How to Overcome Chronic Distraction & Accomplish Your Goals (10 Simple Solutions) by Stephanie Sarkis

ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life by Judith Kolberg

Internet:

General Information on ADHD

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)  Mayo Clinic
http://www.mayoclinic.com/print/adhd/DS00275/DSECTION=all&METHOD=print

Attention Deficit Disorder Resources
http://www.addresources.org/

CHADD: Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
http://www.chadd.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Especially_For_New

Adult ADD & ADHD: Recognizing the Signs, Symptoms, and Effects
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm

Self Help for Adult ADD: Tips for Managing Symptoms and Getting Focused
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm

ADD & ADHD Treatment: Professional Help for Children and Adults
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_treatments_coping.htm

ADD / ADHD Medications: Are Meds Right for You or Your Child?
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_medications.htm

Adult ADD / ADHD Articles – Features articles on every aspect of adult ADD / ADHD, including time management, career and workplace issues, relationship problems, and coaching. (Attention Deficit Disorder Association)  http://www.add.org/articles/

ADHD Articles: Adults – Dozens of articles cover every issue, from the practical to the emotional, associated with adult ADD / ADHD. (Attention Deficit Disorder Resources) http://www.addresources.org/adhd_articles_adults.php

Adult ADD: Time Management, Career & Relationships – Upbeat, practical advice for adults with. Includes articles on everything from cleaning your house to choosing treatments. (ADDitude) http://www.additudemag.com/channel/Adult_ADD-LD/index.html

Self-Help Tips for Adults with ADD / ADHD

Living with AD/HD: A Lifespan Disorder — Brief articles for adults on organization and time management, workplace issues, money management, relationships and social interaction. (National Resource Center on AD/HD) http://www.help4adhd.org/en/living

Information for Adults with ADD (ADHD) – Covers many aspects of adult ADD / ADHD, including workplace issues, relationships, and physical health, with a special focus on women and ADD / ADHD. (ADDvance.com) http://www.addvance.com/help/index.html

Managing Money – Practical and ADHD-specific tips on how to improve your money management. (National Resource Center on ADHD) http://www.help4adhd.org/en/living/WWK17

ADD and College

College Issues for Students with ADHD – Information sheet on selecting the right college, obtaining help at the college, & helpful interventions and accommodations for college students with ADHD http://www.addresources.org/article_adhd_college_chadd.php

10 Tips for College Students with Disabilities – a few of clinical psychologist & author Kathleen Nadeau’s tips for students with ADHD transitioning to college http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=94728312

TIPS for Transitioning to College – Time management, Interventions, Positive attitude, and Supports for students with ADHD in college  http://www.add.org/articles/tiptrans.html

ADD in the workplace

Top Ten ADD Traps in the Workplace – Covers the top workplace stumbling blocks for people with ADD, and strategies for avoiding them. (Attention Deficit Disorder Association) http://www.add.org/articles/worktraps.html

ADD at Work: Job Success with Adult ADD – Advice for getting organized and focused at work, and maximizing your effectives. (ADDitude) http://www.additudemag.com/additude/article/862.html

Adult ADHD: 50 Tips on Management – A long list of helpful tips from the authors of Driven to Distraction, with ideas broken down into categories of understanding ADD / ADHD, improving work performance, and managing emotions. (Attention Deficit Disorder Resources) http://www.addresources.org/article_50_adhd_tips_adult_hallowell_ratey.php

Improving relationships and communication skills

Solutions for Intimacy Problems for Adults with ADHD – Advice for improving communication skills, including common differences between men and women in talking with each other. (Attention Deficit Disorder Association, Southern Region) http://www.adda-sr.org/reading/Articles/solutionsforitimacy-austin.htm

How Adult ADHD Affects Relationships: Strategies for Coping – Learn how ADHD can impact relationships and what you can to do mitigate the effects. (ADDConsults.com) http://www.addconsults.com/articles/full.php3?id=1448&highlight=1&q=&text=

GENERAL INFORMATION
ADHD – A Guide for Families – American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
http://www.aacap.org/cs/adhd_a_guide_for_families/resources_for_families_adhd_a_guide_for_families
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)  Mayo Clinic
http://www.mayoclinic.com/print/adhd/DS00275/DSECTION=all&METHOD=print
Attention Deficit Disorder Resources
http://www.addresources.org/adhd_articles_parents.php
ADHD: What Parents Should Know – American Academy of Family Physicians
http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/children/parents/behavior/118.html
CHADD: Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
http://www.chadd.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Especially_For_New

MEDICATIONS
ADHD Medications: Are they safe?    Mayo Clinic
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/adhd-medications/MH00112
Medication Guides – FDA
Home Page         http://www.fda.gov/cder/Offices/ODS/medication_guides.htm
Adderall               http://www.fda.gov/cder/Offices/ODS/MG/amphetaminesXRMG.pdf
Concerta              http://www.fda.gov/cder/Offices/ODS/MG/methylphenidate_C_HCLMG.pdf
Daytrona             http://www.fda.gov/cder/Offices/ODS/MG/methylphenidate_transdermalMG.pdf
Dexedrine           http://www.fda.gov/cder/Offices/ODS/MG/dextroamphetamineMG.pdf
Ritalin                  http://www.fda.gov/cder/Offices/ODS/MG/methylphenidateMG.pdf

PARENTING
Help for Parents Raising AD/HD Children
http://add.about.com/cs/forpa+-rents/
Parenting a Child with ADD / ADHD: Strategies for Family and Home Life
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_parenting_strategies.htm
Parenting & Caregivers
http://www.adhdinfo.com/info/parents/about/par.jsp

Teaching – 
ADD/ADHD in the Classroom – Tips for Teachers and Parents
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_teaching_strategies.htm
Suggested Classroom Interventions for Children with ADD & Learning Disabilities
http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/learning/teacher.shtml
The Child with AD/HD – Modifying the Classroom
http://www.healthsystem.virginia.edu/internet/pediatrics/hcp/ADHDModifiyingClassroom.cfm
Great Classroom Accommodations for ADHD
http://healthyplace.com/communities/add/judy/teaching_tools_1.htm
LD Online – Classroom Management
http://www.ldonline.org/indepth/classroom
Classroom Needs and Tips – Special Education and Accommodations
http://www.adhdinfo.com/info/parents/caring/par_classroom_needs_tips.jsp?usertrack.filter_applied=true&NovaId=2229644990507488791

Links to information on Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

General Information

ADHD – A Guide for Families – American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Mayo Clinic

Attention-Deficit Hyperactitivity Disorder (ADHD) Family Doctor

Medications

Medication Guides – FDA:

FDA Home Page

• Adderall (pdf)
• Concerta (pdf)
• Daytrona (pdf)
• Dexedrine (pdf)
• Ritalin (pdf)

Parenting

Help for Parents Raising AD/HD Children

Parenting a Child with ADD / ADHD: Strategies for Family and Home Life

Parenting & Caregivers

Teaching

ADD/ADHD in the Classroom – Tips for Teachers and Parents

Suggested Classroom Interventions for Children with ADD & Learning Disabilities

The Child with AD/HD – Modifying the Classroom

Great Classroom Accommodations for ADHD LD Online – Classroom Management

Classroom Needs and Tips – Special Education and Accommodations

DEALING WITH GRIEF AND LOSS

When there is a death in a family or a death of a close friend or fellow worker, there are healthy ways of dealing with grief so that one can get through the sadness and continue on with a meaningful and fulfilled life. Death is a great loss, but we forget that there are other losses in our lives like divorce, loss of a job, loss of a pet that are also difficult and complex, and they require a similar process of grief to go through.

Missionaries and their families probably deal with more losses than the average family because there are many changes, and change often means dealing with losses. Moving, home assignments, and reentry requires making new friends and adjusting to new living arrangements. In Africa, some missionaries and their national workers have faced horrific losses due to wars, political unrest, ethnic conflicts, poverty, and even genocide.

Grieving is defined as “intense emotional suffering caused by loss, disaster, misfortune, etc.; a deep sadness.” Mourning is an expression of grief. When people suffer loss, their identity changes; and they need to adjust to a new sense of who they are, a new way of life. Unfortunately, no one likes to talk about loss very much, and often as Christians we have a tendency to want to avoid the negative feelings like anger and sadness that go along with grief. I have often observed in churches when a loved one dies, the surviving spouse is described as “doing well.” This usually means that the person is not emotionally upset and is not making anyone feel uncomfortable. Sometimes Christians might think that since we have ultimate victory in Christ and other promises of God to provide comfort that it is unchristian to feel sad, hopeless, or to be angry. But, even Jesus expressed powerful emotion when he said on the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” ( Matt. 27:46), and He wept openly when his good friend, Lazarus, died. (John 11:35).

Grief is not just an event, it is a process. Grief has three stages, although they are not necessarily experienced in order, nor does one stage have to be completed before the next one begins. The first stage is shock and denial. Intellectually the bereaved person may comprehend what has happened, but their emotions may not experience the pain yet, and they just feel numb. This can last from several days to several months. The second stage is when reality sets in, and the grieving person experiences deep emotions of guilt and/or anger. People feel disorganized and don’t know how to move on with life. The third stage is reorganizing life when the grieving person reconnects with those around them, and they begin to accept and live life again without the person who has died. This third stage usually takes up a year or longer.

Loss can make us bitter or better. How people respond to their losses and how they allow those losses to affect them can make a difference for the rest of their lives; and it can affect how they deal with other difficult situations in life. Jesus was a “Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” The hard news is that the only road to true healing is through the grief process. The good news is that God travels that road with us.

At Tumaini there are counselors who can guide through the grieving process. We can be reached by calling 0728-606-911 or by email at tumaini.ac@aimint.net. Ray Hommes

Have you made your New Year’s Resolution yet? I must confess that I usually don’t do that anymore because I don’t want to set myself up to be disappointed. The trouble with New Year’s Resolutions is that a year is a very long time, although not as long as it used to be, and it’s much better to set short-term goals that are more realistic and attainable. I can remember when our children were growing up, and it seemed like the objectives we set up to cooperate as a family were breaking down, we would make charts for different chores to be done or rules to be followed and give a star each day if they were met. There were rewards and consequences also included. Now, if we as parents were clear and consistent with the objectives and the consequences, and if we would not react but be able to calmly follow the plan, usually after 2-3 months we didn’t need the chart anymore. Then when new challenges arose, we’d have to get out the magic markers and make a new chart. A chart for a year would be unwieldy and like overkill.

There might be some people who do not need to set goals. Maybe you are one of them whose life is not too complicated or you and others around you have an understanding of what needs to be done, and you don’t need to talk about it. But for most of us, we need to reflect , evaluate, and make goals to keep our paths straight before the Lord and to keep us responsible and well-balanced. Assuming that most of us have to set goals to get things done (often the things we don’t like to do), what is the best way to do this, and not just on New Years but throughout the year?

To be practical, goals have to be measureable. Just to say, “My goal is to be nice to people from now on,” is difficult to measure. If that is your goal, you have to think of specific ways you will be nice. Also, it’s helpful to choose a goal that you have some control over. It doesn’t work to make goals for other people, like your spouse, for example. If you do make goals for your marriage, it’s best to make them together; even the charts for the children work better if the kids have some input and take some ownership of the plan. It’s also good to have a timeline instead of leaving the goal open-ended. Another important ingredient in setting goals is accountability. We have to build that into our personal goals because we all have things we don’t like to do. What if you told yourself that you can’t start reading that compeling book or engaging magazine until you fix the water leak, or you can’t start sewing that quilt until the kitchen is clean? You would probably get it done.

The Bible talks about making plans and setting goals. In Jeremiah 29:19 we have God’s promise, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future….if you seek me with all your heart.” But then we read in Proverbs 19:21 that “many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Someone has said, “Do you know how to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans.” There is a similar Japanese proverb that says, “When you make plans, the devils laugh.” I guess that’s the tension of Faith. We make plans, and God wants us to, but sometimes God shuts the door, and we need to adapt to God’s way, like Paul when he wanted to go to Asia, but God had Macedonia in mind. It doesn’t mean we have to always give up on our goals, but we do have to listen to the still small voice and be ready to change, re-evaluate, lower our expectations, or simply make new plans. Whatever way God leads, we still need to make goals, and in the sometimes confusion of change and transition, faithfulness demands that we be in close communication with God and each other.

At Tumaini we can help you in setting realistic goals or dealing with the confusion of transitions. We can be reached by calling 0728-606-911 or by email at tumaini.ac@aimint.net. Ray Hommes

I’m sure most everyone would agree that anger is undisputedly the most difficult emotion to deal with. Different cultures deal with it in different ways. I spent 19 years in Japan, where anger is seldom expressed, and I was raised in New Jersey with quite a few Italian neighbors who did not shy away from expressing anger. While traveling through Italy, I observed two cars in a fender-bender accident, and both men immediately after the collision jumped out of their respective automobiles and began a fist fight that lasted about 10 seconds. After that they quickly calmed down and began talking calmly about the accident and what had transpired. It’s hard to say which way is better, but I do know that as human beings, no matter which culture we come from, anger can be a problem for many individuals and can wreak havoc on relationships.

The Psalmist counsels us (Psalm 37:8) to refrain from anger, and throughout the Bible we are cautioned about the results of anger. It seems like quite a few Christians do not understand their anger or what to do with it when it shows up. Some Christians might believe that anger is sin. When I was in graduate school, I wrote a paper on “Anger in the Old Testament” and looked at all the times the word, “anger” appeared, and it was over 400 times. Interestingly enough, about 2/3 of those times, it was God who was the one who was angry. We are created in God’s image, so anger must be part of who we are. I know that God’s anger is “righteous anger,” and that’s a good anger; but the problem is that when you and I are angry, it always feels righteous. And when someone else is angry with us, it always seems unrighteous! How quickly we can justify ourselves and excuse our anger.

We usually feel angry when our will is crossed or when we’re afraid we won’t get what we want. The capacity to feel angry is natural and good. We are told in Ephesians 4:26, “In your anger, do not sin.” We can conclude then that the emotion of anger is not sin. However, if we hit our spouse over the head with the frying pan, that would be a sin! So, it is important for us to learn how to deal with our anger when it shows up…and it will. It is important that we learn to listen to our angry feelings, speak the truth in love, and forgive people who offend us. (Eph. 4;15). If you grew up in a family where anger hurt people or it wasn’t safe to verbalize angry feelings, then you probably could use some help with this. Next time we’ll look at healthy ways of dealing with anger.

If you need help with this, Tumaini can definitely provide assistance. We can be reached by calling 0728 606 911 or by email at tumaini.ac@aimint.net. Ray Hommes

At Tumaini we often help missionary families who are dealing with some kind of crisis, trauma, or tensions. So Missionary Kid’s (MKs) are often the focus of our help just because they are part of the family. Missionary kids or TCKs (Third Culture Kids), as they now are often called, are special and different from kids brought up in one culture or country and often don’t know where home is. MKs don’t really fit in their passport culture, because they are more like world citizens. In general MKs seem to have a maturity beyond their years and have a tolerance and openness toward others, especially those of a different heritage and race.

That’s the good news. The hard part is the potential for tension which parents may have between the call they have received from God and the needs of their family. Sometimes that means making very difficult decisions like having to suspend mission work for a period of time or put their children into boarding schools.

Dr.Hugh Maclure, missionary doctor in remote areas of West Africa for many years between1946 an 1991, writes about MKs towards the end of his book, “Letters from the White Man’s Grave.” Looking back on his missionary service he says, “What about the cost to missionaries’ children? Their love and loyalty made our missionary life possible. Only now are we beginning to realize the price they paid..” He continues to say, “Some MKs bear the cost gladly (though from what our MK nephews say the pain was still there). Others, though they bore the separations bravely, couldn’t handle the uncertainties, the loneliness, the farewells from friends and parents and, above all, the feeling that they were not number one in their parents’ lives. Some became bitter against the Saviour who is number one in their parents’ lives. Others come to know and love Him, but often have painful scars more or less hidden by his grace in their lives. Seeing their children struggle costs most missionary parents dearly.”

I know that Dr. Maclure’s experience as a missionary was quite a few years back, and he and his wife actually took a 14 year family leave in Canada to provide a good education for their children. Then they went back to the field for many years. Today there are so many good school options, the internet, and even skype, which are great resources for missionary families; but some of the same issues are present in missionary families today. It takes a lot of wisdom, prayer, and often tough decisions to balance family needs with God’s calling. And the hard part is that our witness is precluded not by the programs and preaching we do, but by how we live our lives and how we treat other people, beginning with the most important people in our lives….our family members.

At Tumaini we understand the cost, and we are available to help missionary parents and children deal with the tension of work and family. We can be reached by calling 0728-606-911 or by email at tumaini.ac@aimint.net.

God craves communication with us, His children. That’s why we need to pray: to talk, to ask, to praise, to thank our Maker because He desires fellowship with us. That’s also why it’s so important to read and meditate on God’s Word to keep in touch with our Creator and how He wants us to live. God is a God of relationships. It is our personal relationship to God that is the most important part of our faith and our spiritual life. God delights in open and honest communion like He had with David who confessed in Psalm 51, “My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit and a contrite heart.” Perhaps because of his openness and honesty before God, David was referred to as a “man after God’s own heart.” I think a big reason why Moses was called meek is because of his close relationship with God and how he poured out his heart to the Lord.

Communication is to a relationship what blood is to the body. If the blood stops flowing, the body will die. Similarly if communication gets blocked, a relationship will start spurting; and if communication stops, a relationship will wither and die. I’m sure we can all think of situations where misunderstandings and disagreements within organizations like churches, mission agencies, and schools can lead to all kinds of problems if there isn’t good communication. This same thing happens in families. When good communication skills are practiced in love and with respect, the odds for conflict, division, infighting, and bickering are greatly reduced.

Listening is probably the most helpful communication skill there is. Can you remember a boss, a mission director, or fellow missionary who sat down with you and asked you about your work and family and really wanted to know because they were interested in you. Can you remember how good it felt to be really understood by someone who is important to you? But the problem with listening is that it takes time, and we have such busy lives. Children tend to blossom in families where parents take time to really listen and be present physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s difficult to listen when emotions are running high or when people are upset, so it can be helpful to take a time out and come back to the issue later when you can more calmly listen and talk together. Many people think that they have to solve things this very moment, but that often leads to arguments and escalated conflict. It’s like two countries at war, and then they both decide that it isn’t working, and they agree to set a time to sit down and talk things out. Usually it’s around a huge table (perhaps to prevent any physical altercations!!), and then they can listen to each other and try to negotiate a treaty or a peace agreement.

At Tumaini we can offer effective communication skills and help relationships to flourish and grow, both with God and with those who are close to you. We can be reached by calling 0728-606-911 or by email at tumaini.ac@aimint.net. Ray Hommes