Grief

Celtic Poem on Grief

Do not hurry
as you walk with grief;
it does not help the journey.

Walk slowly,
pausing often:
do not hurry
as you walk with grief.

Be not disturbed
by memories that come unbidden. Swiftly forgive;
and let Christ speak for you unspoken words.
Unfinished conversation
will be resolved in Him.
Be not disturbed.

Be gentle with the one who walks with grief. If it is you,
be gentle with yourself. Swiftly forgive;
walk slowly, pausing often.

Take time, be gentle as you walk with grief

(Author, Citation, and Origin Unknown)

Grief Responses

If we want to be gentle with those who are grieving, we need to be alert for how grief may present itself very differently in each person and from one moment to the next. Grief is the process of adjusting to the loss of someone or something. There can be emotions ranging from relief to anger, shame, sadness and almost anything in between. It is natural to be gentle with someone who is sad, but being gentle with someone who is angry in their grief is just as important.

As you learn to identify the emotions attached to someone’s grief, also be familiar with the behaviors that the person shows when they are in a particular emotion. Say your friend’s language helper recently died, and one afternoon you notice this friend being unusually impatient with a child who has stopped by to ask for help. You can tell your friend is struggling to understand the child. Wonder to yourself what emotions could be behind your friend’s impatience right then. Later on, invite her to talk about what she was feeling, and be ready to listen without correcting the emotions. When Jesus met Mary in the garden after his resurrection, he knew that her weeping would turn to joy. But first, he invited her to share why she was distraught (John 20:15).

Our gentleness must not be passive but inviting. The grieving person needs to bring their pain out into the light, when they are ready, because God has created us to carry each other’s burdens. So we will invite, pause, and listen.